My name is Mary Abbot and I was found by the Milkman in December 1967
I, like many others of you possibly reading this bio, have been on an incredibly long journey, or are about to start one. I have had lots and lots of ups and downs but finally with Yvonne’s help and expertise I got most of the answers I have been searching for. My story may be similar to yours, and I hope that it will offer some comfort that the truth is out there.
I am now 54 years old. I was abandoned at birth in a borough of Birmingham when I was just three hours old. Fortunately, there was a milkman doing his rounds that early December morning who heard a baby crying, that was me! He got out of his float and found me. I was tiny but wrapped well and left in a bag. It sounds very sad, and it is. I have had to accept this but now I am older I know I was left to be found.
He took me to the local hospital, from there I was given the name “Mary”, because I was found in December, and “Abbot”, as I was found on Abbotsford Road. The Police were involved immediately, and all the local newspapers ran the story for some weeks hoping that a young mother who was in trouble would come forward or anyone that knew anything. Sadly, nothing materialised, and I went into foster care.
I wondered daily, at Xmas, at birthdays....Was Anyone
Thinking of Me Like I was Thinking of Them?
I lived with the same family who when I was 11 years old and able to understand what had happened to me, adopted me. I grew up in a big family and these are my family and all I have ever known.
Nothing was ever kept from me by the family, I knew I was clearly very different: my colouring and ethnic background made me stand out. But when you’re young, it really doesn’t matter.
At the age of 13 I got in touch with Social Services who were going to help me search, I was a teenager who really didn’t know what she wanted so ended up not following this up, clearly not the right time.
Life went on. I had two children, both boys. In my first pregnancy I was very poorly, I nearly died. My body went into shut down and I was being tested daily for foreign diseases, but not knowing where I came from is not much help. Thankfully I returned to good health and with my second son I was fine.
In amongst this, I wondered daily, at Christmas and birthdays “Is there someone that was thinking of me like I was thinking of them?” “Who do I take after?” “What do they look like?”
These are feelings and emotions a foundling has to deal with daily. You go about your business but inside it doesn’t matter how old you are, you want to know that you were wanted. Even if you couldn’t be kept; you were loved and wanted for just a short time in that mother’s arms.
Now I am older and having gone through being angry and upset I must accept it for what it is. I may not like it, but some things cannot be fixed.
Becoming ill prompted a DNA Test
Fast forward to 2000 I became very poorly, my body just shut down. I woke one morning and could not walk (not meaning to bore you). I spent months under the hospital having lots of minor surgeries and enough pills to last my whole life. My husband who knew my life story so far decided to buy a DNA kit for me, hoping that knowing where I originate from could potentially help the doctors get me better.
When it arrived, I was shocked, but I knew why he really did it, this was my time to see what else could be found out. He insisted I did it straight away as he knew that if I didn’t I wouldn’t and I would not have this opportunity again.
We did the test and waited as you do for weeks and weeks. Within this time a good friend had mentioned that she had seen on Facebook something about Yvonne and decided to message her on my behalf. At the time Yvonne was working on other cases so this friend with my hubby decided that when the test come back, they would see what else could be done.
Well, the test came back and boy I knew I was a dolly mixture. (This is what I would say to those who asked where are you from - my way of making light of something I didn’t know or have an answer for.)
I am mixed race, we kind of guessed that but when you see the map of the world and see you are from lots of places it becomes very interesting.
A DNA search will also give you lots of information on potential matches. On mine it showed a name of someone that could be a very close relative, we messaged and hoped for a response but nothing sadly, this person may have been a cousin or an aunt still to this day we do not know.
DNA Analysis and Detective Work Begins in Ernest
Yvonne came on board, so it was all systems go! She knew my story and was keen to help. I leave her, my hubby and girlfriend to do the digging. This is a lot for me, and they all shield me as much as they can, knowing this could be massive.
Weeks went by as Yvonne was left to do her work, names popped up and some potential contacts. Yvonne messaged some on my behalf and most were very open to help if they could, some believed it was a scam so we had to make it very clear that it wasn’t, not everyday someone who is 54 years old pops up who could be a relative.
A family tree started to build and Yvonne was getting potential names and information. You have to tread carefully as this is so sensitive for all involved.
Two families came up that seem to have been connected in some way, these families were neighbours and lived on the same street for many years.
Yvonne had hope and by now we knew that one of these could potentially be a birth mother or father, or both. She even traced the family of the milkman who found me and they had wondered what had become of me.
An Aunt is Found But Is it Dad's Side or Mum's Side?
There were two family names that clearly were involved somehow. Yvonne messaged one of them who, at first, didn’t believe it was anything to do with her family, but her mother agreed to do a DNA test for us, we knew that if she tested she could be a relative.
She did the test, and we were amazed that it came back showing she was my aunt!. We were all shocked by this. This information gave so much more as Yvonne knew that one of her siblings had to be my birth mother or father. Over weeks this was narrowed down to one lady. By this time I had written to this aunt and another half aunt who were amazing. I sent them some of my story and newspaper clippings, hoping this would help.
This was a big family with lots of trauma and secrets, siblings not speaking to each other no one knew about a sister having a child either, they were all shocked as you can imagine.
Weeks went by and the two aunts kept in contact, along with nieces, hoping that we would get to the truth. Also still baffled as to who it could be.
Half Brother Disappointment
Yvonne then found a half brother so she messaged and tried to get a response but nothing, I then one day thought I just want to know, so wrote to this man and sent details and photos but sadly had it all returned with a note to say I was not to make any contact with him or his family, we had hit a nerve. All the way through this journey I have told everyone I want to upset no one I just want answers, not too much to ask really.
Further DNA Test Reveals Full Brother and Birth Mother!!
We go back to the aunts and narrow it down to one, she has no contact information anywhere but we know she has one son, Yvonne found his address and we agree to send a letter to him with Yvonne guiding me on what to say and send.
I do this knowing deep down I think he is more than a cousin, we look alike too. I keep calm and keep my thoughts to myself all the time, not wanting to get any hopes up. It’s hard. You have feelings and don’t want to be crushed and disappointed.
He gets the letter and speaks to the aunt that initially did the DNA test for us. She confirms that I am a real person who is just looking for answers and after he has spoken with her a few times, agrees to do a test.
By this time we have spoken briefly and I have to be sensitive to him as this could have a huge impact on what he has always known.
The test is done and we agree that I should have the results first. When they come in I am not at home. Yvonne and my hubby know before me. When I eventually speak to my hubby he tells me that I have a full brother! It’s a shock! This is massive. I have always known my story but I am now about to pick up the phone to someone I have never met and tell him that we are full brother and sister!
So, I make the call and I ask him if he is sat down and then I tell him, I give him the information and leave it with him.
This is someone who has spent his life being a single child, no father around either, the funny thing is that he is older than me too. We always hear that it’s the first child that a parent can’t cope with but I am 13 months younger, sad isn’t it.
So he goes to see his mother and gives her all the information; newspaper clippings, photos and the DNA but sadly this lady remembers nothing. Nothing about having a child and she felt sorry that someone like me had gone through that!.
I can’t get involved in this. It’s his mother. I have to leave this to run its course hoping that she will tell her son what happened, and most importantly know that its ok to tell him. We live in an age where these secrets don’t have to be secrets anymore. Her son won’t love his mother any less. She is his mum, the one that has always been there for him.
Family Aftershock
By now other members of the family know this. Some are shocked and angry. “Why couldn’t she have asked for help?” “They would have helped”. No one knew anything other than there was evidence that she had help with the delivery and someone had taken me to where I was found.
My hands are tied now, my brother has now told his family and other close relatives. We message and keep in contact and want to arrange to meet. There are a few failed attempts then I arrange a visit back to the Midlands.
This is huge. We met my brother and his wife and a cousin, a close cousin who is very close to my brother, the meeting goes well. I ask lots of questions. His wife takes over and tells me about their family and my nieces and nephew, which was lovely. My brother is quiet but taking it all in.
After a few hours we leave and agree to meet the next morning for coffee before we head home, we agree to move forward in a positive way and leave it like that.
Later that day I meet the aunt who did the DNA and her daughters and the half aunt they were lovely, so welcoming and as soon as they saw me they knew I was related. I look the image of my birth mother, we chatted for hours and they are just in disbelief that their sister has not said anything.
As I mentioned earlier this is a closed down family, life was tough I respect that and at this time wanted not to say or do anything to rock the boat with my relationship with my brother.
Months have gone on and we have met again and one of my nieces has stayed at our house, which was lovely, I have been invited to a wedding and have a new family. The nieces are intrigued and have asked questions which I have answered but I do not mention their nan as she clearly wants nothing to do with me. Do I like this? No, but I can’t risk losing what I have gained.
Birth Father - Well I know who he is now!
The birth father, well by all accounts not a very nice man. It took some searching but we eventually found him, I did the same as I had done to the others, wrote and enclosed information, making it clear I just want to know the truth nothing more than that, also for my brother he grew up knowing nothing, no photos and the man’s name never spoken in his mum’s house.
My letter was returned in quite a blunt way really. He didn’t deny being my brother’s biological father but he did me, we all share the same DNA 100 % birth mother, birth father, my full brother. I had brought back his past and he didn’t like it I was told under no circumstances to ever contact him or his son from his marriage ever again.
So again I don’t like it but have to respect this. Information gathered on his side is limited when we have tried to make contact we hit brick walls so I have decided that he clearly is not someone that I would want in my life anyway. He knows who I am and that I know who he is and some of his family, there is more to it we know but we won’t get the answers on that side of the Tree.
End of one Journey, Beginning of another...
This journey has an impact on a lot of people who you want to share this information with, my family that I have always known are supportive, but I feel that they don’t fully understand why I would want to know now. Telling them all was huge. This wasn’t about having a new family and not loving what I have, this was about me finally having some answers, answers that I would never have had if I had not have done the DNA test and had Yvonne’s help.
For my children it’s massive: one is very open, and one is more reserved. They don’t want to see me hurt so want to protect me. That’s ok, they know the family they have always known so they question if they want to have another family. I have to respect them too.
This is a huge journey I have been on, but I have always known I was abandoned for whatever reason. I may never find the truth and I have had to understand that.
Moving forward there is huge light at the end of the tunnel and I am not going to miss out on any opportunities. My brother’s children have an Auntie, someone that could have been in their lives a long time ago, I can’t change that but we can make a difference to their future.
There is more I could say but I want to finish positively, maybe giving someone some hope that there is light at the end of tunnel but just don’t think it’s going to be easy and that everyone will welcome you with open arms, sometimes you have to embrace what you have and maybe hope that one day you will have that final piece of your puzzle.
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